Joke Joke

A colleague of mine forwarded this to me. I speak and understand Cebuano or Bisaya. So non-Visayan speakers might not be able to relate to some of the featured jokes but just try it. Ok?

HERE:

Mrs. Tanoy is a very kuripot. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.

The ad taker said: "300 pesos for 5 words."

She said: "Pwede ba 2 words ra? "Tanoy dead""

Ad taker: "No mam. 5 words is the minimum."

After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: "Ok, para sulit jud, ibutang nimo,

"TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE "

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Boy: Nay naa ta'y sud-an?

Nanay: Tan-awa lang sa ref, 'nak.

Boy: Wala man tay ref 'nay, di ba?

Nanay: sus .. deh .. wala tay sud-an. common sense sad diha 'nak.

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Caloy: Tay ,di ba tagaan man ko nimo'g P100 kung makapasar ko sa Math?

Tatay: O. Ngano man? Kapasar ka?

Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di na ka kagastos ug P100.

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Man at 33 quits smoking. Will Power;

At 43, quits drinking. Will Power;

At 53, quits gambling. Will Power;

At 63, quits having sex. Power Failure.

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Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow?

Tindero: One way.

Kano: Meg-kanow?

Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.

Kano: Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?

Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!

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Erap: Kalokohan! Di ako naniniwala! Walang taong ganun kataba!

Loi: San ang balitang yan?

Erap: Dito sa dyaryo. Sabi; "British tourist lost 2000 pounds."

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MMDA (with pen and ticket to a traffic violator): Name?

Foreigner Driver: Wilhelm Von Corgrinski Papakovitz.

MMDA: Ahhh okay...(sabay tago ticket)...Next time be careful, ok?

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BF: Kuha-on tika unya ha? Mo busina ra ko kung naa nako's inyong gate.

GF: Cge. taympa, naa diay kay sakyanan?

BF: Wala. Busina ra!

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Na-ngapply si Tomas ug security guard...

Interviewer: Ang gikinahanglan namo kay tawong may suspicious mind, highly alert, insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer instinct. Paminaw nimo qualified ka?

Tomas: Paminaw nako sir dili. Pwede ako na lang misis ma-ngapply?

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Always remember, when SHE cancels a date, she HAS TO.

But....when HE cancels a date...... he HAS TWO.

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Junior: Nay, mopalit ko'g HIGH CAKE.

Nanay: Dili high cake, 'nak. HOT CAKE.

Junior: Ok nay. Taga-i lang ko'g kwarta.

Nanay: Sige, kuha lang sa akong SOLDIER BAG.

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Pasyente: Doc, naa ko'y problema. kada alas otso sa buntag, malibang man ko.
Doktor: so, sa may problema ana?
Pasyente: alas nuwebe pa man gud ko momata.

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A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
Lady sitting next asked, "are they your babies?"
Man: "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints!"