When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. -Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? -Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. -Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." -Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." -Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." -Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... -Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. -Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. -Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." -Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
How to stay married!
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had sharedeverything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from
each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of
her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the
little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money
totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married,"
she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage
was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I
should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times
in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this
money? Where did it come from?"
Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
