The Top Ten Dumbest Thing You’ve Ever Heard Anyone Says

I was on avail waiting to take another call when this stuff is forwarded to me! It's so dumb! And I admit, I'm also committing these mistakes. My own version. Well, try to read down below:  



An Eat Bulaga contestant was asked by Joey and Vic: “Ano sa Tagalog ang grasshopper?” Contestant: “Ahmm. . .Huling Hapunan?”


It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”


In Wowowee, the question was: “Kung ang ’sigaw’ ay ’shout’ sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang ‘whisper’?” The contestant answered: “Napkin!”


While watchng the news yesterday about a kid killed by a bulldozer, our maid commented: “Kaya ayoko mag-alaga ng aso eh…”


My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”


My cousin at a DRIVE-THRU: “Miss, puwedeng take out?”


Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”


In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”


I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?” (coke is it)


My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”


A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: “Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.”


While watching “Apollo 13″, after she heard the line: “Houston, we have a problem.” My ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston?”


My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng ‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”


We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the definition of the types of sponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So she asked her grandma: “Lola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?” Her lola replied: “Patron? Eh di Shell!”


Also in a gameshow. Host: “Ano sa Tagalog ang ‘teeth’?” Contestant: “Utong!”


I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”


One classmate in highschool said, “Ang cute naman ng sintas mo, luminou!” I corrected him and said, “luminous!” Then he replied, “Oo nga pala, plural!”


Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”


Sa isang gameshow, tinanong ng host: “Anong ‘P’ ang Tagalog ng ’storey’ o ‘floor’ ng building?” Contestan: “PIP PLOR!”


An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”


I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm…’ROCKY’?”


I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”


An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”


I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”


My sister said of our neighbor who was our arch enemy: “Mamatay na sana kapitbahay natin!” I told her not to say that, coz it might bounce back to us. Then she said, “Ah ganun ba yun? In that case, mamatay na sana tayo!”


When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, I got a missed call!” My friend said, “Anong sabi?”


From the gameshow “The Weakest Link”. Host Edu Manzano asked: “Anong ‘T’ ang ibinibigay ng konduktor pag nagbayad ka ng pamasahe sa bus?” Ian Veneracion answered: “TUKLI!”


We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala, brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.


A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”


A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?” Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.


During a shower party for my friend, the married women were giving tips on the do’s & dont’s of sexual intercourse, when the bride asked: “Hindi ba kasama yung betlog sa pinapasok?”


Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko lang ang only living legend na buhay pa.”

Magpageant ta!

If mahilig jud mo sa pageant ug uban pang beauty contest, hala! Go, enjoy reading this entry! Kaloka!!!!

Host : Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Girl Contestant : Amangpulo.
+++
Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your girlfriend?
Male Contestant : Uhmm...taptoy.
Host : What taptoy?
Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.
+++
Host : What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....
Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl : Uhmm... more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less, less....
+++
Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banawe Kaya Yon!!)
+++
The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo...," and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts, "CITYYYYYYYY!!!!"
+++
(From Little Miss Philippines)
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl : Maging lalaki po!
+++
Host : Who's your favorite author?
Contestant : Danielle Steele
Host : Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant : Because, because...Danielle Steele, I like best.
+++
Host : How would you like me to address you?
Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City.
+++
Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.
+++
Host : So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!
+++
Host : What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.
+++
Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!
+++
Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!
+++
Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.
+++
(From gay beauty contest)
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!
+++
Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
+++
(From gay contest)
Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga po ulit yung question?
+++
Host : Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!
+++
Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is gold!")
Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!
+++
Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)
+++
Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? KALABASH?
+++
Host : What is your motto?
Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.
+++
Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl : Hulk Hogan.
+++
Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant : Uhmm... a bumble bee!
+++
Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
+++
Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
+++
Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.
+++
Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!
+++
Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!
+++
Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh.
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
+++
Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!
+++
Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!
+++
Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
+++
Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?

Mga quotes ni BOB ONG

Guys, something to ponder! hehehehe...


1. "Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pagtinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon."

2. "Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

3. "Wag magmadali sa pag-aasawa. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon sa hinaharap, mag-iiba pa ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong di pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang sa kaboses niya si Debbie Gibson o kamukha nya si Mike Scofield o kahawig nya si Nick Carter or magaling mag-breakdance. Totoong mas importante ang kalooban ng tao higit anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan sa eskwelahan e nagmumukha ring pandesal. Maniwala ka."

4. "Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

5. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

6. "Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sa'yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde. Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa banding huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili."

6. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawakan ng iba."

7. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

8. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

9. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

10. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

11. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

12. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka. Kaya quits lang."

13. "Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?

14. "nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the-blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."

15. "ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko "

16. "hinahanap mo nga ba ako o ang kawalan ko?"

17. "hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay kasinungalingan na ito. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan. "

18. "Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan."

19. "Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher. (Haaay, sarap!)."